One Piece at a Time

A few days ago I was reading some old Ensign articles. There was one story in particular that caught my attention. It was about a father and a son who had to carry large heavy logs up a hill, and then they would cut them to the size they needed and assemble them. After a while they realized if they cut them into pieces first and then carried them up the hill it was much easier. I got thinking about how similar this situation has so many similarities to our infertility journey, or any trial for that matter.

Sometimes infertility can be so overwhelming and stressful. At times Taylor and I have tried to carry the trial as a whole. We looked at the whole complete picture. For example, when we were told we needed to work toward IVF we became so overwhelmed because we saw the large sum of money we needed to save, everything we needed to prepare, and then everything we needed to do to complete the procedure. It was so overwhelming and we didn’t know how we were going to do it. We then decided we need to just look at one little piece at a time to get through it. Even just looking at some of the first steps, like saving up the means to do the treatment it was overwhelming so we broke it down even further. We look at it at small amounts at a time and then eventually we will get to the whole amount that we need.

This is the same process we needed to take for our IUI treatments. It would be overwhelming when they would hand us a calendar with all of our appointments and what medicines we needed to take when. We had to take it all one day at a time and before we knew it we were done with the treatments and we were waiting for results.

This process has become key to us in making it through all of the hard times especially. When we try to look at everything we just get disappointed and feel like giving up. We will make it there though. We just need to take it in small pieces. We are moving forward with all of it and sometimes we wish everything would come together faster, but are trying to just focus on one step at a time.

Quilts

A few weeks ago I posted a picture on the Facebook page of my piles of scrap fabrics. All of the scrap fabrics I have are from quiet books that I have made. A while ago I was thinking about all the scraps and was wondering what I should do with them. I decided to turn all the scraps into a project, or even a few projects.

From the beginning of our infertility journey, Taylor and I have discussed often how we want our baby to know about all the people that helped to get them here. It hasn’t been just Taylor and I trying to bring a baby into our family, but so many people have prayed for us and supported us along the way. I have currently made over 50 quiet books as well that are helping to fund our crazy journey. We want our baby to know how wanted and loved they were long before they even came. It is so important to us for our child to know these things.

After thinking about this for a while I came up with my project. I decided to make a baby quilt, or a few quilts depending on the amount of scraps I had for our baby(ies). I wanted these quilts to be special; something they could have forever. I looked through hundreds of quilting patterns and I picked out my favorites. When I was ready to actually start it, Taylor and I picked out the quilt we wanted first.

Sara helped me cut out hundreds of pieces for the quilts and it took a lot of time to then sew it all together. We really had to take our time with these patterns because if everything wasn’t exact then the whole thing wouldn’t fit together correctly.

We finished the quilts a few days ago and I absolutely love the way they turned out. I can’t wait to snuggle a little one in these blankets and when they get a little older then tell them all about the blankets and what it means. Most people will probably look at them and think they are the most un-matching, random, or even ugly quilts they have ever seen, but to us it is the most beautiful blankets we have ever seen, because we know the story behind them. It is crazy to look at each piece of the quilts and think back on each quiet book that was made and all the work that went into each of those books.

Here is the first quilt:

Here is the second quilt:

We have been so blessed on this journey and I know we will continue to be. Making Someday has done so much better than we ever could have imagined, and it is still going. We are so happy we took that leap of faith and went for it and launched the shop. It is getting us so much closer to our dream. 

Bailey

Taylor and I had our first niece, Bailey, born on Saturday, April 18^th. We have had a few questions come our way about it so I thought it would be a good opportunity and topic for a post.

We knew on Friday night that our sister-in-law had went into labor. We were expecting to wake up to a phone call or a text saying she had been born. We received notification around 9am that she had been born a few hours earlier. It was exciting that we had a niece, but yes, it did still hurt. We were so excited for them and her, but we did hurt for us. Did we love them or Bailey any less? Absolutely not. We are so happy for them.

We weren’t able to go and see them until Sunday night. When I picked her up and she opened her eyes for me, I fell in love with her. It was fun to rock her and snuggle her. It was amazing to think she had just recently come from heaven and she was the one most recently with my babies. If only she could talk and tell me all about them.

My brother and sister-in-law were getting pretty stressed and panicked while we were there because Bailey wouldn’t take her binky and wouldn’t settle down very easily. Taylor took her and got her to take her binky right away and showed her how to put her hand on her binky to hold it in. She caught on right away. We now have many pictures of her holding her binky in. Taylor then had to show her parents how to give her the binky and calm her down. I made a quick trip to their house yesterday to see her and when I gave her the binky she immediately put her hand on it to hold it in. We will have to post some pictures as soon as her parents give us permission to.

We both love that little girl so much but it is still hard to hold her and think that we won’t have one of our own in our arms for at least two years probably. It is strange to feel so many different emotions about the situation at one time. It is something that can’t really be put into words. We have been told in blessings that when our turn comes it is going to be a much different situation and we are definitely already seeing how that is so true. Our situation and story will be so much different than theirs.

Even though it hurts, we have loved getting to see Bailey the couple times that we have been able to. We are excited to get to know her more. It is fun to have a little one to snuggle when the parents will let us, while we are waiting for our own little one to come. 

Forsaken?

I recently had someone ask me if I feel like God has forsaken me since I do not have a baby yet. I was surprised by this question and it took me off guard. There wasn't any question in my mind about what the answer was; no I do not feel forsaken because I do not have a baby yet. Things are exactly the opposite. Even though we do not have a baby yet, so many miracles have led us to where we are right now and God's hand has been in every little aspect of the whole thing.

As it is has been the Easter season I have had a lot of time to reflect on all the miracles that have led us to where we are now. There is no doubt in my mind that God is helping us and loves us so much. We have been so blessed even though we don't have a baby in our arms yet.

Most people view miracles as big huge things that occur, but so many miracles are missed when you are just looking for the big things. We have had so many miracles happen that there is no way we could ever deny that God is on our side.

It was a miracle that we got pregnant the first time after about 8 months of trying. We weren't just expecting one but we were having two which was a miracle. It was a miracle we were able to make it through the doctor appointments telling us that we were going to be losing the one baby that they knew about. It as a miracle I was prompted to go and get more blood work done. That blood work led to them finding the twin. It was a miracle it happened in such perfect time so that it could be taken care of before my tube ruptured and I lost my life. It is a miracle I am alive. It is also a miracle that I was able to receive enough strength and love from our Heavenly Father to let them give me the injection to end my second baby's life. God was there surround us with His love through it all. His heart was breaking with ours. I know He was there crying tears with us.

Through the next while, God was with us every step of the way. He was there with us through losing the next 4 babies. His heart was breaking right along with ours through each loss. It was a miracle that we were given the strength to keep going and try again. It was a miracle that we were given the finances to make it through the 3 IUI cycles and endure the emotions and heartbreak from each one. It is a miracle the way everything fell into place all along the way. Answers were received at the perfect times.

It was a miracle that we were able to feel so much peace and love surrounding us as we sat in the doctor's office hearing the news that we would not longer be able to move forward with treatment we had been looking forward to and would need to move forward with IVF. It is a miracle we were able to have the comfort in knowing that this was a good direction to take and it was for the better, knowing that the other treatments would have put my life in danger. It was a miracle that we had a doctor that was able to see the signs of what was happening and was able to tell us and warn us about the situation.

So many miracles have happened along the way and there is no way we could ever deny God's hand in our journey thus far. We are so grateful for Christ's life and the example He has given us. We are able to make it through these difficult times because of His sacrifice. He is always there. He is going through it all with us. Not only is He there through this time in our life but He is there through every little thing. We have hope for the future because of Him. We know that our ultimate miracle of having a baby in our arms will come. We know this because He has promised us. Just like He is there crying with us for the heartbreaking times, He is going to be there with us celebrating that amazing moment when we hold our baby for the first time. Because of Him we have hope for our future.