Tuesday, October 21, 2014


The past few days I have had the topic of comparing on my mind a lot. I have had a lot of people who keep checking on me in relation to my brother and sister-in-law that are expecting. I am doing fine and coping with it. I don't think about it very often, to tell the truth. But does it still hurt? Yes. I am sure it will for a long time and I don't know if it ever will stop hurting. Do I wish we had our little ones in our arms? Of course. A day rarely goes by that I don't think of them.

I have learned over the past years the difference between positive and negative comparing. There are so many times while going through infertility when I have compared myself to others. Some of those times were good things and some were bad. There have been times when I have compared my symptoms and experiences with others to see how their story could help ours progress. Early on I would compare our situation with others we had heard about to see if we could find more clues as to what was going on and why things were not happening for us. For us this was a good comparing. It was a positive experience to be able to learn from others around us and possibly also use our story to help others as well.

However, comparing does not always bring positive results. Sometimes comparing can bring a lot of heartache and despair rather than hope and faith, especially when comparing timetables. There have been many times that I have looked at others situations and wondered why they didn't have to wait long until they could have a baby, why they only had to endure infertility for two years, or why their treatments worked every single time. This comparing never led me to a good place. It always ended with me being so discouraged and wanting to give up. In reality I was only comparing us to other couples that I wanted to compare to. In reality there are so many couples who go through infertility so much longer. We have been going through it for three and a half years now. We know so many people who have been dealing with it so much longer; some even for a number of years in the double digits. Some people never even get their miracle. Sometimes it is hard to see past the blessings that others receive that you want so badly.

We have come a long way in learning about comparing. Every once in a long while we still get caught up in that little trap, but those instances are now few and far between. We have learned to take each couple's story as a separate instance. They have their plan for them and we have ours for us. The plan that Heavenly Father has for each couple is tailored specifically for them, so we really can't compare the length of time or other circumstances. We have learned to compare our story, only to us. That may sound funny at first, but it is true. We have learned that we need to compare our situation now to what it was back then. We have come so far and we are getting so much closer to our miracle. Just a few years ago we didn't even know what was happening. We didn't have any answers. We didn't have a direction. We now have direction and we have come so far in our journey. We didn't know then, and we still don't know now, how long this trial will last, but we do know that we are closer now than we were then. Comparing our timetable to someone else's is like comparing apples to oranges. It does us no good.

Yes, my brother and his wife were expecting a baby right away, but their situation is completely different than ours. I was told in a blessing soon after their announcement not to be sad about it, but rather find to find joy because our situations are completely different and their experience of having a child is, and will be, completely different than ours. We were promised that when our miracle comes it will be the most sweet and amazing experience for us and those around us. This is completely true. Thinking about it, there have been times I have thought, I would rather just have a baby now. However, the reality is, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to get my baby the way they are. They are having a completely different experience. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about and imagining the moment that we get to hold our baby in our arms for the first time. We have worked so hard to get to that place and I know it will happen and it will be an amazing, wonderful, and joyful experience. So when people ask how I am doing since my brother and his wife are expecting, and we still aren't after so much longer, we are fine with it. It doesn't mean that we don't hurt for our situation and wish we had our babies in our arms, but we would much rather have our plan. We know that our plan is perfect for us. We can't wait until those promises are fulfilled and we have such a sweet, amazing experience and be able to share that with those around us. We know it will happen, and that is what keeps us going.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

October Baby Update

September and October have been very busy months for me and I haven't had much time to update on everything. Things have returned to "normal" since the miscarriage and we are still moving forward the best that we can. Making Someday is doing absolutely amazing! I have been so blessed in regards to having so much business. I am completely booked out for the rest of this year! I have even had to turn some people away on orders because there is just no way I can physically get all the orders done. I love getting pictures from my customers with their cute children playing with their books. It makes me so happy to see that the books are loved. I continue to get amazing reviews flowing in for all of the orders. I haven't had anything less than a 5 star rating. Before I started Making Someday I had multiple people tell me not to even bother starting a shop because it wouldn't be worth my time and I wouldn't get anything out of it. However, something just kept pushing me to do it. I just had to try. If it failed, then at least I had tried. We have so many more orders than we ever could have imagined. It it getting us so much closer to treatments, when the right time comes along. Heavenly Father is truly helping us to get there.

We have a vacation that we are going to go on in the near future, which is another huge blessing. We didn't know if it would happen or not for us to be able to go. It's nothing huge, but it is at least a vacation and we can get away from life for a bit. A few people have asked us why we are spending a little bit of our personal savings on a vacation when we could put that towards treatments. The answer is, we need a vacation. We have prayed about it and we feel it is what we need to do. We have been through so much in the past three and a half years and we haven't had a vacation. In fact, we have never even been out of the state together! We definitely need this time to take a little break from everything and get us ready to get back at it and make another big push to get our miracle baby.

After vacation we plan to enjoy the holidays, and then as of right now, we are planning on starting treatments again the first part of the year. We have had so many miracles happen that have allowed everything to fall into place so far. There is no doubt that Heavenly Father is helping us with getting our baby here. We aren't anywhere close to giving up. We know more miracles will happen to allow our dreams to come true.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Two Years

At times thinking back two years seems like an eternity, and other times it seems like a blink of an eye. When I think back to two years ago, at times I think it has gone by so fast. We have done so many fun things and have had so many great opportunities. But then days like today come, and that fast two years can seem like an eternity. Our twins would have been two years old, or about that, today. October 6, 2012 was my due date for them. The pain from losing them has not went away. I don't think it ever will go away, but it has become bearable. Some days drag with the pain and heartache of our loss lingering while others go fast as we have hope for the future. Even though we wish so much that they were with us, so much good has happened because of them. We have met so many people and have been able to comfort others in similar situations. Our twins (as well as our other babies) have taught us so much. They are a huge part of our life and always will be. Even though they aren't with us in this life they still have a huge impact.

I thought a lot today about those who have to suffer from miscarriages. It is never easy, but it is so much better when you have someone who has been through it as well, that you can turn to. I was reminded of this even more today as a friend told me that she had another miscarriage. My heart hurt for her as I read her message. I felt the pain she was feeling as I remembered my own losses. I just wanted to help and comfort her and make it all better. Unfortunately it doesn't work exactly like that though. It takes time. I thought of all the people who have helped me through my losses in my life. We have countless people who have helped us through our losses giving us words of encouragement and have helped us to keep going when we thought we couldn't. Today, even though it was partly a sad and painful day, I am so grateful for my babies for giving me this life experience. I am so grateful for the lessons they have brought into my life. Because of them, I can be that person for someone else. I can be there to say, "I have been there too". I am grateful that these babies have not only blessed our life, but have blessed others. We can't wait to be with them again in the next life!