Tuesday, March 31, 2015

A Love-Hate Relationship

For as long as I can remember I have always loved watching the 19 Kids and Counting TV series. The series is about the Duggar family. There are 19 kids in the family. The family has some great values and it is fascinating to see how a family that large functions. However, recently I have had a love-hate relationship with the show. I love all of it except one thing. I absolutely hate it and cringe anytime they tell their kids who are getting married to go and multiply and replenish. In many of the episodes leading up to two of their daughters getting married, this phrase is repeated so many times. I cringe hearing the phrase each and every time.

1 in 8 couples are affected by infertility. Chances are with 19 kids, 2 or more of the children will have issues with infertility. I cringe to think that someone who is facing infertility could be being told and pressured into having kids. Sure, at first it is innocent fun. That is naturally the question and topic that comes up after the marriage. However, it could quickly turn into a very hurtful phrase. I can't imagine being a Duggar and facing infertility.

It is hard to realize what things are hurtful and what things aren't when you haven't experienced infertility, and I understand that is how it is with their situation. I just hope that some of those phrases won't come back and be something they regret saying to some of the ones that are getting married. You just never know when something that seems so innocent to someone could also be very hurtful to someone else.

I was just thinking about this situation as I was watching Jessa Duggar's wedding. I then also remembered that tomorrow is April Fools day. I hope everyone out there is able to remember this as tomorrow approaches. I don't think a year has went by when I haven't seen fake pregnancy announcements on April Fools day. Even though this may seem like an innocent joke, it can be very hurtful for those who are experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss.

Monday, March 23, 2015

We Agreed to This

The past few weeks Taylor and I have been thinking a lot about trials. We were specifically thinking a lot about our trial of infertility. We were talking one day about what it would be like to just have an unplanned pregnancy occur. We can't even imagine it. Our situation has always been to save up a lot of money, pay for expensive treatment, hope and pray that it works and then either find out that it didn't work or find out that it is not going to be viable. It is hard to think sometimes that so many can just decide they want another child and it happens right away for them every time, or that it just happens unexpectedly. It is hard to not wonder sometimes why we can't be "normal".

The theme that has come up this past few weeks as we have talked about infertility often is that we agreed to this trial. We ultimately knew what we would be dealing with in this life and we accepted. This goes for anyone and the trials that they have. We agreed that we would go through this. We agreed that we would go through the pain and the heartbreak of losing each of our 6 babies so far. We agreed we would have this trial and knew all the hard work that it would take to have a child in our arms. However, we also knew that great blessings would come from these trials that we agreed to.

March has been a rough month with a lot of decisions to make. I am switching companies that I am working for and that was not an easy decision or situation. It doesn't just affect where I go to work but it can have a lot of other implications, and can even affect our infertility journey. Even though it won't affect how fast we can save up for IVF since pay is similar, the work environment and other things can affect it a lot. We know we are going in the direction that we need to be going and I know that this will be a great experience.

This past week when I went visiting teaching, my companion gave the message and she even said this same exact thing. She was saying that we all have trials but we all agreed to them. So rather than praying for these trials to go away we need to be praying for patience to get through it, knowledge of what we need to learn from it, and understanding of what we are going through.

Last year, near our house we noticed a flower growing. As it grew it became pretty large and had beautiful yellow flowers. Plants had never grown in this particular spot before. We had tried planting things there but they never grew and so we never planted anything there. However, last year this yellow flowering plant grew there. I loved the flower. I had no idea where it came from. I told Taylor that it was just a little gift God gave us. It was like a miracle flower since nothing had ever grown there.

I got thinking about this flower this week and even though we agreed to all our hard trials, we also agreed to all the good. From trials come blessings. Yes we agreed to our infertility trial but we know that it will end with so much joy and happiness. We will get an amazing miracle from all of this. One day we will be holding a baby in our arms. This trial we agreed to will be more than worth it.