Unexpected Criticism

Before Taylor and I first decided that we were going to open up more about the struggles we were going through we tried to go through all of the pros and the cons of it. We made lists, talked about it for hours, prayed and fasted and we ultimately decided to be more open about it. However, we keep receiving one criticism from people that never anticipated and it was never on any of our lists of pros or cons. It came out of the blue to us and was completely unexpected. This criticism is also a topic I have had questions about and have thought about writing about for a while, but it is just a personal and complicated topic. However, since it has come up again recently I am going to attempt to do a post on it.

Please remember that these opinions are ours. I am sure not everyone, or maybe even most, may not agree with our opinions.

The criticism and questions that I am talking about with all of this is finances. A huge part of infertility is the cost of treatment. Treatment is not cheap by any means. I have been pretty open about the cost of the treatments that we are needing to do but I often get asked how we will go about saving that much. Many people who go through IVF choose to pay for the treatment through loans, credit cards, retirement funds, etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Everyone's situation is different. However, Taylor and I have decided we want to pay cash for treatment. We have also been told to do this in blessings. So if we can't pull those other resources, then how are we going to save that much?

1. We set aside a set amount each paycheck and we have it put into an HSA account. We get certain tax benefits from doing this and then when the time comes we can use whatever funds are in the account to pay for our treatment.
2. All proceeds from Making Someday are saved specifically for treatment.

Our funds are growing at a pace we are comfortable and happy with based on the time frame we are hoping we will be doing treatments in.

So what is this unexpected criticism? Since we have been open about the fact that we want to pay for treatment in cash, everyone knows what our plans are. There have been times when we are asked why we are making certain purchases or why we are doing certain things when we are trying to save for treatments. 

One of the best pieces of advice I received when we started this infertility journey was to not put our life on hold until we had a baby in our arms. It would make us too stressed, we wouldn't enjoy life, we wouldn't be taking care of our emotional needs, and if we never ended up getting a baby then we would have just wasted all that time when we could have still been living our lives. 

Many purchases we make and many things that we do, we prayerfully consider, discuss, and think about for a long time before anything is done. We are trying to have some fun and take care of our emotional health along the journey, but not too much. 

Recently some have heard about an upcoming vacation we will be going on. We have received a lot of criticism from some of those people who know about it. It is quite painful at times, especially when most do not know the circumstances behind the vacation and the logistics. This vacation also has not been entered into lightly. It has been given MONTHS of consideration and prayer. Heavenly Father has even confirmed for us in a blessing that we should be going on this vacation. We need it for our emotional health, and it has been confirmed that it will not change how the timing turns our with our treatments.

We have been asked many times if we will be using any funds from Making Someday for this vacation. Absolutely not! Every penny from my business goes toward treatments. That is not, and never will change. Will it change the amounts we are saving on our own for treatment? Definitely not!

Our financial situation and choices have been an unexpected criticism for us, since we never thought about it being an issue for people. Everyone has their own opinions and ways of doing things. We know that the decisions we make are the right ones for us. We don't want to sound defensive but rather give an explanation to how and why we are doing things the way that we are. If you too are going through infertility, don't forget to let God guide your decisions. And don't forget to live your life to the fullest; you'll be much happier and the difficult journey won't seem quite as unbearable.