The Day That Wasn't Posted

When I posted my series of posts I had to remove this day. I wasn't able to post it because my brother and his wife expecting was not public knowledge (but now it is.) Two days after our miscarriage, my brother and his wife told us that they were expecting. Here is what I wrote that day:

"Sunday August 10, 2014

Today started out so great. Nursery was so much fun with the kids and afterwards we took our puppies to the park to play. When we got home there was a knock at the door and it was my brother and his wife. As soon as I opened the door and saw them standing there I knew something was up. I had the most crazy strong feeling come over me that they were going to tell me they were pregnant. They NEVER come over to our house unless they need something from us. They came in to play with the puppies and we just knew something was up and they finally told us they were pregnant. What a blow! They couldn't have waited until at least a week after we lost our baby? Nope...only two days. We had a hunch this was coming. We had heard from other family members that they wanted to have a baby right away and were even hoping for a honeymoon baby. They have been married exactly 1 month today. It was some of the hardest news to take. They hadn't even been trying a month and they were pregnant like that. Taylor and I both struggled with it the rest of the day. Even though we knew it was coming, it didn't make it any easier on us. We are just barely getting through the fact that we just lost baby #5 and will be still be working towards 3 more rounds of IUI."

That day was a really hard day for us. I had thought about never posting what I had wrote that day, but later felt like I needed to post it. We are not posting it to make people feel bad for us, or anything of the sort. Rather we just had a few thoughts to share. This is a common experience that happens to so many people who are going through infertility and it is so hard to deal with. It may not happen two days after losing your own baby but it happens, and no matter the timing, it hurts. We are getting through it day by day. The happy side of this is Heavenly Father lives and loves every one of us. Just because someone gets a baby and we don't, doesn't mean He doesn't love us. God's plan is perfect and all this pain will be made up for with so much joy and happiness. It also does NOT mean that the person that gets a baby is more "deserving" of a child or will be better parents. Everyone's plan is different. Everyone will have their own directions and things will happen with different timing for different people.

If I could help everyone with infertility understand a few things, these things are what it would be:

• You've done nothing wrong to "deserve" infertility.
• Just because other people have babies, doesn't mean that you would be worse parents.
• When other people have babies, that doesn't mean that it will never happen to you.
• It breaks Heavenly Father's heart too, to see the pain you are in. He wouldn't be putting you through it unless He had an extremely good reason.

Lastly, I just want to say thank you to all those who knew what had happened; for all the phone calls, messages, extra hugs, etc. Your kindness does not go unnoticed. We are not giving up and we are still pushing through everything one day at a time.