Sunday, June 29, 2014

One Huge Step Back

Today we took one huge step back in our journey to getting our baby. It all started at 4am when I was abruptly woke up by very sharp pains in my left back and my abdomen. I proceeded to walk around the house and got some water and curled up on the couch. By about 6:30 the pain became absolutely unbearable. I haven't felt something so painful since my ectopic and miscarriages. I woke Taylor up as tears were rolling down my cheeks, and he gave me a blessing. The blessing told us very specific instructions of what to do and at the end of the blessing it said after we did what we were told, I would be prompted to go a certain direction.

I walked on the treadmill for 15 minutes and then start massaging my abdomen and back. Taylor decided to try and get me some toast for breakfast even though I had no appetite at all. While Taylor was doing that, I started vomiting. This really scared me. That is when I realized it wasn't just some cramping or something super minor.

I broke down crying again. Not because I was in so much pain, but instead because I knew I needed to go to the hospital. I had a distinct feeling I needed to go. It wasn't just having to go to the hospital that was so heartbreaking, it was knowing that going to the hospital would financially delay our treatments. We have been planning to start treatments in August. It was so close. Only six weeks away we would be trying to bring our miracle to this earth. I could see that dream and goal slipping away right in front of me. However, Heavenly Father has taken care of us and if he needed me to go to the hospital, then I would go. He has never let us down. He has promised a way will be made and we know that will happen, so I called my mom and we made plans to go to the hospital.

We got checked in at the ER and all of the staff was really nice. I was worried about the IV because I was so dehydrated but the tech was able to get it in first try without a hassle. The doctor told me that it could be a lot of things so I would need to get a CT scan done. They needed to decide if it was appendix, gall bladder, kidney stones, or something else. They were able to give me some great pain meds that gave me some relief for a while and the CT scan was painless. The results soon came back that I had a kidney stone. Now it is just a waiting game. I get to wait and endure the experience until the stone decides to pass.

Tonight my dad and brother came over and they helped Taylor give me another blessing. We learned a lot from the blessing. I had previously had some similar pain attacks and they passed without much of a thought. They weren't as severe in pain level as this attack was. I was told in the blessing that those were also kidney stones. I was also told that one of the main reasons for this experience was a test. Taylor and I were being tested to see if we would follow our promptings even when we really didn't necessarily want to. We both had our breakdowns about having to go to the ER. It has been a rough day thinking about how our dreams just took a huge step backward and is slipping farther away when it was so close. We are not giving up though. We will keep going. A way will be provided and our miracle will come. We will do whatever Heavenly Father needs us to do and we know we will be blessed for doing so.

So even though we have this huge step back we are moving forward with faith. We are going to try to be discouraged the least amount possible and look at the positive sides of this experience. We look forward to our race that is coming up in two months and we look forward to all the great things to come. We don't know how long treatments will be postponed but it could be as late as next year. We are not giving up and we will get there someday.

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