All About The Ectopic

Two years ago this month we lost our twins. We can't believe its been two years! It all seems like it was yesterday. You never forget something that was so hard and painful to go through. That was a very hard two months going through the whole thing and very painful a long time after. I still even have days it's just so hard to bear. We just have to work through it one day at a time.

During the time I was going through it all, I didn't give very many details about the situation and didn't talk about it much. I have been getting some questions about it lately and I keep getting the impression I need to do a post about it all. I think it will be good to get it all written down, but it has been to hard to go through it all again until now. Hopefully this will help somebody or educate others about ectopic pregnancies.

In January 2012, Taylor and I were so excited to find out that we were finally expecting. I took multiple pregnancy tests just to make sure and we were completely in shock. We had already been trying for eight months with no success. I remember how excited we were, talking about everything that would be coming. I called the doctor the next day to schedule my first appointment but it wouldn't be for quite a few weeks later. We started making all sorts of plans. My parents were so excited that they even went looking at Babies R Us for baby items. While there, there was a promotion going on where if you brought in old baby supplies they would give you new ones. They remembered they still had car seats, a crib, etc. (from when we were kids) in storage and turned them in for nursery furniture for us. We were so excited to finally be getting the baby we had dreamed about for months. The crib was set up in one of the spare bedrooms, along with a carseat and changing table. I loved walking past the room looking at all the furniture. I was so excited that the room would soon be filled with all sorts of baby supplies and a new little baby. We were finally going to be parents!

A little while later, the first part of February I started getting an uneasy feeling. I didn't really have a reason to worry, except I had a bad feeling and had a strange feeling that something was wrong. I called the doctor and asked if I could get an earlier appointment. They told me everything I was going through was no reason to worry and everything was fine. They told me I would have to wait until the appointment. The next day the feeling still would not leave. I called back again almost in tears. They told me they would get me in that same day to calm my nerves.

I went on lunch break and they told me they would do an early ultrasound for me. I was excited to see the baby's heartbeat but I still had the horrible feeling. That horrible feeling was justified, my heart was broke and my world came crashing down when the doctor said I would be miscarrying the baby. It would not be surviving. I didn't get to see anything from the ultrasound. What I thought was going to be my biggest dream coming true, turned into my biggest nightmare. It was so hard to call and tell Taylor our baby was not going to make it. I couldn't even talk for a while after he answered. I broke into tears as soon as I heard his voice and couldn't catch my breath to tell him.

I was instructed to get blood work done that day then go back every week for a repeat blood draw to make sure the numbers were dropping like they should. After the first week, my numbers got pretty low so I actually skipped the next scheduled blood work thinking everything would be fine, and wanted to save the money. A couple days later the horrible feeling came back. I knew I needed to go back and get the next blood work done. The feeling was so strong I left work right away and went and got the blood work done.

After doing the blood work, I went back to work. I got a call about an hour later and it was the nurse from the doctor office. She said she got the blood work results back and the numbers had went up, rather than down like they should have. She said I needed to get to the hospital immediately for an ultrasound then go back to the doctor office immediately following, and I needed to take someone with me. I called Taylor but he was not answer his phone and I couldn't reach any of my family either. I finally called a friend and she was able to leave work to come with me to the office. We went to the hospital for the ultrasound and there were two technicians. They were whispering to each other and I only caught a few words here and there. They weren't supposed to talk to me about the findings. I do remember hearing the word "mass" though. I left the hospital and headed over to the doctor office and they took us right back to a room and the doctor came in and said they had found something on the ultrasound. He said there was a second baby but it was growing in my fallopian tube. For the smallest second I thought there was still hope to have our baby, but that was quickly shot down when the doctor explained the pregnancy needed to be terminated.

With an ectopic pregnancy, they cannot allow the baby to continue to grow. The fallopian tube is so small that it wouldn't be enough room for a baby to grow and the tube would eventually burst, taking the life of both the mother and the baby. I was given two options. I could have surgery right away which would end the pregnancy immediately. The positive is it would be done and taken care of right away and the negative is they would possibly have to remove the whole tube. The second option was to have a methotrexate shot. This is more commonly known as chemotherapy. This would terminate the pregnancy as well as shrink it down and the hope was my body would re-absorb it. The positive of this is it wouldn't be surgery so there wouldn't be risk of having to take the whole tube out as long as it worked. The negative is it wouldn't be over right away. It could take a week to months to get it all taken care of and be in the clear. Also if the shot didn't work there was still a chance I would need surgery anyway.

It was so much all at once and was even harder since Taylor wasn't there with me to be with me through it all. I was able to talk to him on the phone for a minute and we chose to go with the shot. I was given strict instructions to go back to the hospital to outpatient surgery and by the time I got there they would have the methotrexate ready for me. I was also told if I ever had any abdominal pain I needed to get back to the hospital immediately. There was still a chance the shot wouldn't work and pain was indication of the tube going to burst. Up until this point I didn't have any pain at all. The only reason we even knew about the ectopic is I had that strong feeling and followed the prompting to go and get more blood work done.

On the way to the hospital I called and filled my parents in on what was going on. They met us at the hospital. They took me into an outpatient surgery room and did another panel of blood work. They needed to make sure my kidneys and other organs were strong enough to handle the methotrexate. It took over an hour to get the results back. I can remember sitting there trying to hold everything together. It tried to enjoy the last minutes that I would be pregnant with our baby. Even though I didn't get to ever hold my baby, let alone see it, I was grateful I got to carry it for the time I was able to. I never thought I would be mourning a second baby from the same pregnancy. It was also really hard for me knowing that I was allowing these people to take my baby from me. I knew it was for the best and it had to happen but it was still so hard. When they came in and did the shot I remember thinking that was very close to the exact moment I lost my baby. I was grateful some of my family and a great friend was able to be there with me and they were all mourning right along with Taylor and I for the loss of our two angels.

I wish I could say that that was the end of our story, and everything worked perfectly and the numbers dropped like normal, but it wasn't. I had to continue to go to the hospital for blood work every other day. I got to know the hospital workers really well. All of the nurses were so sympathetic and tried to give us as much comfort as they could.

A little less than a week after getting the shot, it was a Sunday, we went to church like normal but I started to not feel very well after sacrament meeting. Taylor told me to take the car and go home so I did and he stayed for the other meetings. I went home and laid on the couch and got up to get something and I had a horrible pain my my stomach. I almost collapsed on the floor it hurt so much. I tried calling Taylor's cell phone to see if he would answer but he didn't. I kept trying for about a half hour with no answer. I finally couldn't stand the pain anymore so I called my parents and gratefully I caught them right as they were walking out the door for church. They came over right away and took me to the ER. I had left a message for Taylor on his phone saying I was going to the ER. My parents drove by the church and was going to get Taylor on the way to the hospital and Taylor had already ran over half of the way home, so we picked him up and went right to the hospital. As soon as we walked in the door and the check in nurse saw me hunched over and Taylor said I had an ecotopic pregnancy they skipped all the paperwork and check in and took me straight back to a room. They got everything hooked up so fast and had me in for another ultrasound in no time. Taylor was by my side the entire time. He was in a panic though so everyone was quite worried about him. I was given morphine as soon as I got into a room so I was pretty out of it and relaxed.

We thought for sure I may be having emergency surgery that day. However, the doctor thought it was best to wait a little more. The ultrasound came back showing the mass hadn't grown so it could have just been my body trying to pass the baby out of the tube. They gave some more strict instructions and sent me home again.

Three days later I got the news that my blood work came back all cleared. I was finally cleared with everything physically and all my restrictions were lifted. Even though everything was cleared physically everything was still very difficult emotionally. So many times I had to just break out in tears. The emotional pain has been so hard to deal with. We know we will get to raise our babies in the next life but it is still hard to go through and deal with. Looking back we are still so grateful for all the love and support from all of our family and friends. We had so many meals brought into us and so many people helping us out and checking on us through the entire thing. We are also so grateful for the miracles that happened through the whole process. Everything could have been so much worse.

Not every ectopic pregnancy case is the same. Every case is different and has different treatments, protocols, etc. but I hope that putting this out there helps someone or even just makes others more aware. It is also fitting since this month marks two years since the occurrence. Every January/February we remember our angels. We will never forget them and can't wait to raise them in the next life.

We are so grateful for the opportunity this experience gave us to grow so much closer together. We never knew we could handle such a difficult situation but it has given us so much strength. We are grateful for our knowledge that we will be able to see our babies in the next life and be able to raise them. We are also grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows exactly what we need and has blessed us so much from this experience. He has a plan for us and we know our dreams will come someday.


*Some references in the post are about our religious belief. If you want to learn more about what we believe please visit LDS.org for more information or contact us and we would be happy to give you more resources.