Sunday, September 29, 2013

One Amazing Couple (No Not Us)

I have mentioned before that we have met a lot of people through our infertility journey that we never would have met otherwise. It has been one of those blessings that has come from the trials we are going through. One particular couple we have come in contact with is Matt and Stephanie. We have not met them in person but have talked a little through email and other messages. Their story of what they have been through is amazing. They have been through so many hard things but have still found a way to remain faithful through all of it. They are such great examples to everyone around them, and to those who hear their story. Their story has given us so much strength to keep moving forward with what we are going through.

Matt and Stephanie recently went through an IVF cycle. I really admire the strength they had to post about the details of the whole journey of the cycle. Many friends and family have asked me the difference between IUI and IVF and what each entail. I have posted about our IUI cycle, but I haven't been through an IVF cycle. I don't know first hand what its like. We do know there is a possibility of us having to do IVF in the future but we will cross that bridge when we come to it. Stephanie has documented the whole process on her blog though. I would strongly encourage anyone who wants to know what the process is like to read their blog. Stephanie posted one post a day for the past week or so. It really helped readers and followers to see all the emotions that people going through fertility cycles need to go through. There are so many ups and downs through cycles that can clearly be seen and felt through reading their story. She also wrote the blog posts as they were going through the cycle but just didn't post them until later until they were willing to share their story. There is a lot to learn from them and their story, not only the IVF process itself but also about faith, love, courage, hope, etc. You can find their blog HERE. (When you click the link to go to the blog it will start with the most recent or last blog post. Scroll down to the post IVF #1: The Beginning and read the posts in order.) I promise that reading this blog will be completely worth your time.

Thank you Matt and Stephanie for having the courage to post your story. You are helping so many people who are going through infertility treatments and helping raise awareness of infertility. You are both very inspiring!

Monday, September 23, 2013

Round 2

Here we go again. My numbers dropped after the miscarriage like they should have so at least everything went smooth in that area. We did a lot of talking, praying, and budgeting after we were told it would be best to do multiple IUI cycles right in a row rather than taking a break. We were both really nervous about this since we had originally planned on taking a break and saving more for another cycle after the first cycle. We have decided though that we will be moving forward with the second cycle right away. The second cycle starts tomorrow.

This time around we know more of what to expect but its hard still in other ways. I have already been really sick for over a month straight and its been very draining both physically and emotionally. Its also only days after the miscarriage and we are jumping right back into it. Its all so much at once but we feel its the direction we need to go.

I ordered all the meds again so tomorrow will be the baseline ultrasound and I will probably be starting the first med again tomorrow if all looks good with the ultrasound. We are very nervous but excited for this cycle at the same time. Nervous because we already have 4 angels and want a pregnancy to stick more than anything and excited because of the possibilities ahead. However, all these trials and heartbreaks will be worth it in the end.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

IUI #1 Results

Well the results are in. They have actually been partially in since Friday. Friday's results were very unexpected. I went to the office thinking I would have my blood drawn and get a clear positive or a negative. I got the call that day and the nurse said, "Well I have good news and bad news"... not what we wanted to hear. We just wanted the good news part. She said my levels were at 10.3 and that meant that I was pregnant but that number was low for where I was at. She said she had seen people with numbers that low go on to have a normal pregnancy but others have miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. We definitely did not get our clear cut answer, but instead more waiting.

Today I went back for a follow up blood draw and the news was not good. We will be miscarrying our 4th angel. Its a tough pill to swallow when you have lost so many and just want so badly for the news to finally be good. I got the news in the middle of work so I had to hold everything in for the rest of my shift which was really hard. When I finally got home and walked in the door I saw this in front of me:

And Taylor was waiting for me because he knew I would need a shoulder to cry on.

We were hoping and praying for a miracle to happen and that this baby would make it, but it didn't. This time was just not the time for it to happen. It was sad tonight going through the usual routine and not taking the supplements that I have had to take the past weeks. It meant that there would be no baby. The pills that I wished I didn't have so many of, I found myself wishing I was still taking. I am now down to 2 prescriptions (the two I found out recently I will probably have to take the rest of my life).

I asked the nurse at the office if there was any other tests that they could run to see if anything else was wrong. She said they had ran every possible test out there and I have the prescriptions to fix the things they found, like PCOS and hypothyroidism. They will be testing the thyroid again soon to make sure its at the right levels now with the meds. I was grateful for her understanding and patience with my frustrations. She went on to say that they highly recommend I immediately go on and do another cycle. This took me back a bit because it was my understanding it was fine to take breaks between cycles. After discussing the pros and cons both ways though, I do understand why they recommended that.

So where do we go from here? We just take the miscarriage one day at a time and work through it, going back to the office every other day for blood work to make sure levels are not indicating an ectopic again, and try to put ourselves back together after another really hard heartbreak, then prepare ourselves for another roller coaster cycle (whenever it may be). We don't know for sure if we will be doing another cycle right away because its extremely expensive and insurance doesn't help with the cost. We will start trying to figure out if it will be possible to continue and do another cycle right away since we do feel it would be advantageous for us, but we will have to see what we can pull budget wise. We will then move on trusting God and His timing for us. Even though this is another hard time for us, we know that His plan is the best and it will all work out the way its supposed to.

Thank you so much to all our family and friends for all your support, love, prayers, fasting, etc. We have such amazing people in our lives! Our miracle will come someday and it will definitely be at least in part because of the prayers and faith of our family and friends.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Sick and Spoiled

Last week I could feel a cold coming on. It was strange because it came on slowly when usually they come on fast for me. However, a couple days ago is when it hit full force. So I have had a cold for about a week and a half, but its only been full force a few days. I feel like I have been sick for the whole past month, but I have went from being nauseous all the time to having a cold. The hard part about the cold is I can't take anything to help with it. I can't take any medicines. Its been really difficult and I have been feeling quite miserable. We are getting closer to the end of the wait, but the cold is not helping at all with the pace of the wait.

However, through all of this, Taylor has been spoiling me rotten. Over the past few days Taylor has brought me flowers every day. They have brightened my otherwise pretty miserable days so much!

Its not just the flowers either but I love how much he supports me all the time and just wants to help make things better. He has been so amazing through it all and I know he will always be there. I know at the end of this when we get the results he will be there to celebrate and be so happy or be there to hold me and let me cry on his shoulder. I have the best husband!

Sunday, September 1, 2013

I Just Need Possible

Recently I watched the movie "Soul Surfer" again. I love that movie and watch it regularly. It has such great quotes, music, and take aways. Its a movie that you finish watching with a feeling that you can do anything. There are so many great quotes from the movie and as I was watching it I loved how many of them applied to my situation, and not just my situation but anyone's situation with trials.

The very end of the movie the final quote says, "Life is a lot like surfing because if you get caught in the impact zone you've got to get back up because you never know what may be over the next wave."
Trials are temporary and good times are coming. I have been reminding myself of this the few days. We don't know how this cycle will end, whether it will be good news or bad news but one day it will be the good news so we need to keep going. Some days are very discouraging because it seems like it will never happen, but the truth is it will.

Another quote is, "I don't need easy. I just need possible." This is exactly how I feel about getting our child here. I don't need it to be easy. It would be nice if it were easy but it doesn't need to be. All the hard times we have been through and may go through, will just make us love and cherish what we get all that much more. I can handle the medicines, drugs, appointments, ups and the downs, as long as I know its possible for it all to work. I just need to know that I will get my little one someday. Yes, it is extremely difficult at times and there are times that I feel like I can't go on any further. But then I remember what I am doing it all for and tell myself I can do just a little bit more one step at a time.

There are so many more amazing quotes in the movie but the last one I will mention is when the media crew is talking to Bethany at the end of the movie. They ask her, "Bethany, if you could go back to that day, would you not go surfing?" She responds, "No, I wouldn't change a thing, because then I wouldn't be here talking to you. I can embrace more people now than I could with two arms".  As hard as our journey has been, I wouldn't not trade it. Heavenly Father knows exactly what we need and how long we need to go through this. He knows when this trial will end. He knows just how many treatments we need to go through. However, through it all He has given us a lot of blessings as well. One of which is meeting some people that we never would have otherwise. They are some great people who have been through really hard things. They have given us a lot of inspiration and have become lifelong friends. We wouldn't trade that for anything.

Well that's enough of my random thoughts. The other thing I just wanted to do was to thank all our family and friends who joined in the fast today. We greatly appreciate all the love and support from all of our family and friends. Not only do we appreciate those who participated in the fast but those who have stopped by, those who have texted, emailed, or called with messages of love and support, and those who have been praying in our behalf. We are truly blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives. We have a lot of people praying for us and our little miracle and it will be truly loved whenever Heavenly Father sees fit to send him or her to us.