Friday I went in for my ultrasound to see how follicles were developing. It turned out to be a disappointing appointment. The ultrasound showed that I didn't have any follicles ready for an IUI. I was scared and thought for sure the cycle would be cancelled. The worry was that my body stopped responding to the medicines. However, they scheduled me to go back in today for another ultrasound just to be sure. I was fully expecting bad news but the ultrasound tech was happy to tell me that one follicle had developed and was plenty big enough for the IUI. She told me to do the trigger shot at 1:00 today and then IUI could take place tomorrow. Luckily I took my shot along with me since I had to go to work right after the appointment. When 1:00 came I snuck away to the bathroom and did the shot. Not only did a follicle develop but my lining looked great so I didn't need any extra medications and the follicle was on the left side which is the non-ectopic side. So far things are going well with this cycle. The only down side is that ever since I gave myself the shot I have been extremely sick. Its to be expected since the shot fills your body with the HCG pregnancy hormone that usually causes morning sickness in pregnant women. The past two cycles I haven't had the sickness so I wasn't expecting it, but it decided to come this time.
Last night I was getting ready and gathering everything that I would need today for my appointment. I remembered I would need to probably take my trigger shot with me just in case. The sight of this turned me into a sobbing mess.
My first cycle the sight of this needle terrified me. However that was not the reason for the tears last night. The shots don't bother me anymore. What terrified me was the thought of it all being over. We are really hoping that this cycle will be our miracle cycle but there is always that thought of what will happen if its not. I am terrified of what will happen when I will no longer be able to move forward with more treatments for a while. Its going to kill me to not be able to keep going forward. If it comes to that I know I am going to feel so lost without things to be doing, calendars to follow, and treatment plans occurring. I am going to feel at a stand still without being able to reach our miracle.
Even though all of this is very terrifying, we are still hopeful for this cycle. We are so grateful that its going better than last time. We know that things will turn out the way they are supposed to and according to His plan.
Remember that in your worst fear, that the treatments are over and nothing else can be done, is often when things happen. After four years, it was when we stopped treatments and began the adoption route, that we got pregnant. In other words, just because treatments are over won't mean that it's over :). It's never over till it's over :)
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