The Hardest Part

Today was the big day. We had our first IUI. We got up early so we could get the things that the dr. office needed. We had to do a drop off at 8:30 and then the procedure was at 9:30. We ended up just staying at the office since by the time we would have got home we would just have to go back. The wait in the waiting room was hard. Both of us were anticipating what was to come whether good or bad. As I was sitting there one couple was called back, but when they came out they were both crying and looked so devastated. I don't know what happened but I felt so bad for them. Another couple was also called back but when they came out they were so happy and excited because they had just had their first ultrasound and found out they had a viable pregnancy. I thought about how I couldn't wait to feel that kind of joy that they were feeling. As I was sitting there I thought about our situation a lot and how far we have come and wondered how far we will have to go, how many more treatments we will have to do, etc. I also wondered if this cycle will turn out with us being devastated like the first couple we saw, or happy like the second. Only time will tell.

After the hour wait everything was ready for the procedure. It didn't hurt much which was good and it was pretty fast. All of the staff was really nice and helpful as always. We were given instructions for the supplements that I now need to take for the next 2-3 weeks and scheduled our next appointment then we were on our way, but now the hard part for me begins.

For the past two weeks we have had appointment after appointment and have been on schedules for this drug or that drug. The next few weeks I only have the supplement stuff to help a pregnancy along if the treatment does work. I don't have appointments or crazy drug schedules to stick to. The last two weeks I have felt like I have constantly been doing something to help us get our baby here. I am not going to know what to do with myself the next few weeks. I am not going to feel like I am doing much to move towards our goal. I have been thinking a lot about the procedure today but there is nothing more I can do to make it work. Its just weeks of waiting ahead which is the worst part for me. I hate the waiting. I would rather being doing something to make it happen. So in the meantime we will be doing a lot of hoping, praying, etc and hopefully we will get good news in a few weeks. It is all in Heavenly Father's hands. I know he can and will help us get pregnant, we just don't know the timing and when His answer will finally be, yes.