Public vs. Private

After we received our infertility diagnosis a common topic of conversation became how public or private we should be with our situation. The decision is not an easy one and when we made our decision we had to weigh out a lot of pros and cons. There are a lot of pros and cons with both choices and it isn’t even clear black and white which decision to go with. It could be somewhere in between the two extremes. A couple could even choose to be more private in certain situations but more public in other situations.

The following were some of the factors in our choice to keep it public or private.

Private:

• ·      Not having as much support from family and friends
• ·      Dealing with issues at your own pace without pressure from others
• ·      Avoid unwanted opinions

       Public:

• ·      Have support from family and friends and others who are going through the same thing
• ·      Feel like you don’t have a secret you are trying to keep from everyone
• ·      Helping others who may be looking for information

These few factors are not even close to all the factors that go into the decision. We decided to go the public route with our situation. We have had support from family and friends because we chose to be open. We feel like we can talk about it, instead of trying to hide it. There have also been some people who are going through similar things who have opened up about their situation to me after they have found out what we are going through. Friendships have been formed with people who were just acquaintances before, and with people I have met through support groups and blogs. These are friendships that never would have been formed had we kept everything private.

However, there have been some cons from it, just as there would be cons if we had stayed private with our situation. We have some people who are not very supportive and don’t understand why we have went public with everything. We have had comments made that have been hard to hear. There have also been unwanted opinions about what we can do to help our situation. Many people don’t understand what we are going through but they still try to offer what they do know. Many are things that we know are false because we have been more educated about the disease. Even though both some good and bad have come from being open I still know it was the right thing to do for us. I have to remind myself of that when those cons come along. There are both pros and cons with each of the decisions on this topic, its just a matter of which cons you want to deal with and which pros will give you the most benefit for your situation. Each couple has to make the decision that is right for them. There is no right or wrong decision. 

Even though both some good and bad have come from being open I still know it was the right thing to do for us. I have to remind myself of that when those cons come along. There are both pros and cons with each of the decisions on this topic, it's just a matter of which cons you want to deal with and which pros will give you the most benefit for your situation. Each couple has to make the decision that is right for them. There is no right or wrong decision.